Mental Health Awareness Week 2014 - My battle

This years week focuses on Anxiety and I would like to share my story to show all the sufferers that it will get better!

One thing that annoys me about people generally is that no matter how many of these annual weeks they have, people will judge people excessively for having a mental illness. We don't choose for it to happen so why judge. I know for a fact that some of the people around me, actually made things more difficult for me.

Having suffered with depression and insomnia in the past, overall my anxiety always was the worst. January 2013 was when it all really kicked off for me and I had a friend making life difficult and as my exams got closer, I didn't sleep and I kept having minor panic attacks. I didn't think much of it, I put it down to my GCSEs until one night things got bad. I was at explorers and I'd had an ongoing feud with another girl there and when we were trying to resolve this with leaders, things got out of hand and I could feel my chest getting tight, so I ran to the toilets. I broke down in tears and struggled to catch my breath. This worried my leaders very much because I was seen as such a happy and carefree girl. They asked me to go see someone about this because they were so worried about me.

These breakdowns became more regular and I'd panic about everything. No matter how small it was, I'd panic. Exercise used to help me but even that didn't help. I was praying that after my exams things would get better but I was wrong. Shortly after my exams my Grandad died suddenly after a short battle of cancer and this was very difficult for me and my family. I found it easier to shut everyone away and as I'd finished school I didn't have to see people if I didn't want to. I was extremely down and emotional for a long time but it wasn't until 2 months later that I had another panic attack. I was at a festival and I was with a group I felt very uncomfortable in and I became very panicky and I ran away from them. I was sat by a tree on my own for 3 hours crying, I couldn't catch my breath and I didn't know what to do.

Thankful it all began to ease over the holidays and I stopped going to counselling and I felt so good about myself for a while but I had some problems with a friend again and it was coming up to my school dance show. we were made to perform our solos which I was dreading. During the dress rehearsal I got ready to perform my solo and I was like a minute in and I'd said I didn't feel right before the performance but I went for it and suddenly my chest went really tight and I went dizzy. I couldn't see straight and I just crashed to the floor, trying to breath and I couldn't stop crying. I could feel one of my best friends holding me, but I was shaking and my dance teachers were so worried but I couldn't explain what was happening. People don't believe me if I tell them, because "it's not like me". This was in March 2014. Since then things have got significantly worse, I panic a lot and the attacks are very common. Doctors have said the fact I stress a lot doesn't help but thankfully I sleep better at night. I feel like I'm making progression and then I have an attack. I have such supportive friends and I'm hoping that I'll overcome this one day.

I hope one day that society will support people with mental health because some people don't and it does make it harder for some people. I for one will raise awareness and raise money for charities because as a sufferer I know how difficult it is and I know how it affects people because I know people who have had it worse then me.

Here's to raising awareness!